“In that sense, it is extremely difficult. But why do people make it seem so easy? It’s like, we just take it for granted that a married couple should just love each other until deaths do them apart.”
“What? But how could that possibly be satisfying for you? Did he perform oral on you or at least fingering? And the cuddle afterwards? What was in it for you?”
“I know how sick this is. Back then, I was seriously horrified and ashamed of my thoughts. Something triggered my past memory yesterday and I googled to see if that was normal.”
“I thought I had to be strong for you. I thought I had to show only the positives so you can rely on me. I thought that’s what men are supposed to do. *confused*”
“Just those things about… why are we even together? are we right for each other? maybe this is not going to work… yeah, you know I said them to hurt you back, right? Like I didn’t actually mean any of it…”
That question hit me hard. Seven and a half years, we had never discussed either of our insecurities. We prided ourselves being the most stable couple for not fighting, but what we were really doing was avoiding.
“But I’ve already told you that this is my belief. When we started dating, it was made clear that premarital sex is a sin, therefore, forbidden. You cannot and will not change my mind.”
“Although we had just celebrated the Tomb Sweeping Day in Taiwan, the idea of how different people in the east and west remember the deceased is still rolling in my head.”
“Actually, she’s told me numerous times on the phone that she doesn’t want me to end up like her, wasting her youth away… but I’d rather be cheap to myself and let her have the best of everything, or else I feel guilty.”
“I’ve never told anyone about this other than my mom. Well, she found out by herself… but maybe I can trust you?” I can’t imagine the pain. The truth is we don’t know nearly as much as we think we do. Open the dialogue.