What was playing on the screen at the time, I could not remember. It was only the distinct sadness I felt that blurred my vision. I turned away from the TV and saw my mom with two silent streams of tears down her face. She wiped them away just as my dad switched the channel.
“But It felt like a judgement to me! How it sounds like doesn’t matter; it’s how I feel! Remember your talk on suicide intervention? You said the key is to listen non-judgmentally! Maybe that’s the care I need!”
“In that sense, it is extremely difficult. But why do people make it seem so easy? It’s like, we just take it for granted that a married couple should just love each other until deaths do them apart.”
“Well, I just told them to both shut up and eat. Okay, I didn’t say those words exactly, but I did ask them to keep calm for our dinner’s sake. Sigh, I wish they could learn to fight more effectively.”
“I know how sick this is. Back then, I was seriously horrified and ashamed of my thoughts. Something triggered my past memory yesterday and I googled to see if that was normal.”
“Are you going to eat that? I’m so disappointed in you! Where did you get that? Don’t tell me… you went out to get this bucket of KFC!? You’ve been so good with the salads!”
“Yeah yeah. You are so arrogant and that’s why you secretly look down on me and the way I live. So what if I find no fulfillment in my job? At least I’m in a field with actual career growth and making more money than you. “
Watching her running out of the house, I wanted to go after her but thought about my sister. Instead, I walked back into the dining room and begged my dad to go after her. Instead, I walked back into the dining room and begged my dad to go after her.
“Because you haven’t thought about us. Have you thought about how we felt when you made all your life decisions? You don’t even consider what we have to say, so of course, it’s hard for us to tell you anything.”
“Yeah. When I was about grade 4, I remember skipping school one day. It was right after their divorce. My mom was curious when the school called. I didn’t have a cellphone then, but she guessed where I could have gone and called my dad.”