It was not the particular instructor nor the fellow yogis. The feeling of body renewal I experienced immediately after the class made me rethink my earlier bias towards yoga. I still don’t love yoga; rather, it simply fits in with my lifestyle.
I was reminded of the time when I stayed home for 5 days straight without seeing or talking to another soul. It may not sound like much but the aftermath of self-isolation scared me into a frenzy.
We all carry with us a set of beliefs. Those with an attitude that mirrored our own became our teachers because we made it so. We actively participate in filtering and selecting those who fit our agenda.
“I don’t know. All I know is that I can’t go to the kitchen. I can’t look at knifes right now. I’m also afraid to look at the balcony window. I’ve been gripping this chair in the den for 10 minutes already to calm down.”
Thanks to advanced analytical tools, I knew the exact time of day to publish my photos, videos and posts to receive the most feedback. And if the result did not meet my expectation, I immediately began to question what went wrong. “What could I have changed? Was it the hashtag? Too many? Not enough?”
“I told you my mom was a makeup artist, right? I think I’m the only person who’s seen her without makeup. Everyday she’d wake up 2 hours before to do makeup so by the time I was awake, she’d be ready to walk me. Perhaps the divorce made her feel insecure… but she passed away not knowing how beautiful she is barefaced.”
“How dare he say that I’m addicted to texting! Everyone texts and it’s perfectly normal.” In my head, the term addiction has such a negative connotation that I would never associate it with my personal image.
He enjoys math and statistic but has trouble keeping up with school attendance. I have asked about his tendency to skip lectures. It was not easy for him to put those thoughts into words. Perhaps he also did not really understand it. At the time, he had already been in college for 8 years.
“I have to go but I think you are fine the way you are. I accept you for who you are and I hope you will accept yourself too.” Still standing in front of the mannequin display, I felt like I was hit by a train.