Why Their Judgements Speak Louder About Themselves

What jump out at us is the part we dislike about ourselves.

Over the weekend, my family and I went surfing. More precisely, my sister dragged me along with our 5 cousins to a beach 1.5-hour drive away for our first ever surfing lesson.

On the way home, the heavy traffic turned our chit-chat into a full-on confrontation.

She: See! There you go trying to apply your standard to everyone! Why can’t people just live without finding some sort of passion or purpose? We are fine working a 9-5 job we are not interested in but getting paid and living a responsible adult life. Unlike you! *screamed from my left*

Me: Hey hey, I didn’t say you can’t or that it’s wrong to work at a job you don’t care about. I was simply asking… *caught off guard*

She: Yeah yeah. You are so arrogant and that’s why you secretly look down on me and the way I live. So what if I find no fulfillment in my job? At least I’m in a field with actual career growth and making more money than you. *tone wounded and defensive*

Me: Wait, hang on. I just asked her what she wanted to do after school! *pointed to my cousin on the right*

Photo by John Jason on Unsplash


Her resentment sounded loud and clear in my ears.

The simple question triggered emotions that I did not know was there.

I wish she knew that I never in my life of being a sister look down on her.

All the accusations and criticisms, however, seemed to speak more about how she feels about herself.


Retelling the story, I propped my phone on the blanket and watched his farrowed eyebrows. Like one of those cartoons, I could imagine clockworks in his brain as he submerged himself in deep contemplation.

He: So, you know what I said about you being selfish?

Me: Yeah?

He: It probably had more to do with me, and that meant that the person who accuses someone of being selfish is also selfish. *laughed sheepishly*

I thought for a moment.

Me: Mmm I think judgements may work like a mirror which reflects what we see in ourselves. We see those we dislike about ourselves in others.

He: Just so you know, I think everyone’s inherently selfish.

Photo by Joshua Earle on Unsplash


Criticisms from a loved one can hurt so much more.

Because you are very likely to believe in them.


Sitting next to my surfboard out of breath, I asked my dad for the bottled water in his arms.

He: You are resting again? You only did a few more runs. Look at them going! Even the youngest one has only rested twice! How could you be so weak? You really need to train your body. This is embarrassing! *still hugging the water*

Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash

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