Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) was found.
Every time I hear news stories about rape on TV, I cringe inwardly. My imagination runs wild circling on the idea of how frightened the victim must have been. The boiling anger inside curses the rapist to die of a painful death.
Coming across this book, I hadn’t thought this interview would make my heart aches for the “wrong” person…
He: How could I look at my wife and make love to her, knowing that I’ve raped a woman just like her? How could I hold my children the way I used to, knowing that I’ve killed those innocent kids back in Vietnam?
Psychologist: So you don’t recognize yourself after the war.
He: I only made one friend during the entire time of my service. One time, I led the team out for a stroll in the rice field. The shots came out of nowhere. In a blink of an eye, my men were down. I turned to look for my friend. What I saw was his body lying face down in the water.
Psychologist: A sudden loss of your best friend must have you enraged.
He: The next day, I led the rest of my men into a village and… from that day on, I changed and could never go back.
We lay judgements on those we see based on what we know.
So we judge strangers, those around us, and we judge ourselves.
But isn’t what we know limited?
Sitting in the lecture, I pretended to be listening by tossing glances at the professor from time to time. My mind is distracted. On the right corner of the screen, I could see message notifications.
The temptation was too much. I placed my fingers on the keypad…
She: Why are you still thinking about him? Is it that you miss him or the past memories?
Me: I don’t know. Maybe the memories? I just keep getting flashbacks. And every time I see flashbacks, I just feel the guilt all over again.
She: Are you still blaming yourself? No one comes out of a breakup unharmed. You both hurt, and now it’s time to let go, so this doesn’t ruin your new relationship.
Me: I know… I just don’t know how to free myself.
She: Choose yourself this time. You deserve to be loved, to be happy again.