You said I Hurt You, But Why Can’t I Remember?

How could you forget?

Being in a long-distance relationship, you quickly understand the atmosphere stemmed from video-calling on a laptop versus on the phone.

Sitting with my bulky headphone in front of the screen, we were in a semi-serious mood…

He: Wait, do you remember the first time you punched me? *half-jokingly*

Me: Umm, was it when you spent two months here? *tentatively*

He: No! You really don’t remember? *roaring with laughter*

Me: No? You tell me then!

He: Remember that time I had a Saturday meeting and went to a brunch place with a whole bunch of coworkers afterwards? I was surprised how much force you put into the punch!

Photo by Emiliano Vittoriosi on Unsplash

Most of the time, I can’t recall the memory of me hurting my loved ones, physically or emotionally.

Unless the person makes it explicit, all the incidents would be a blur.

I’m always amazed at how people recall childhood memories before the age of 10. For me, there were fragments. Only those that made a huge impression stayed in my head.

Standing at the kitchen counter, I spoke to my mom who was slicing a ripped mango…

Me: Do you remember when I was in kindergarten, you punished me for not being able to memorize the home address correctly?

She: What? Did I do that? *genuinely surprised*

Me: Yes! You dragged me out the door without my shoes! *in disbelief*

She: Really? That must have been a few minutes only. *awkward*

Me: Well, it felt like an eternity! I was so afraid and ashamed that the neighbour would see me crying on the stairs. Out of embarrassment, I climbed up to the rooftop of our apartment and hid next to the storage.

Photo by Thomas Charters on Unsplash

So, all pains leave scars.

Then, why could not those inflicting the hurt remember at all?

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