Those Left Behind: Why Did You Kill Yourself?

It was around Christmas time. We sat around the kitchen island, making a gingerbread house. The taste of the gingerbread has never been my favourite, but the time spend on decorating would bring anyone back to their childhood.

She: You know… so my friend’s sister, well, it was sad all around… but she hung herself. *subdued*

Me: Oh… I can’t imagine the pain your friend is going through… and also the family. It must have been a shock.

She: Well, actually, it wasn’t. They’ve known her suicidal behaviour. She’s attempted twice before, and when she succeeded, it was at her aunt’s house. They thought she’d be safe with the constant watch of her aunt. *resigned*

Me: Oh… I hope the family didn’t blame themselves… *heart sank*

She: I don’t know, but I heard the boyfriend did. Actually, I think she went to the same university with you. You probably don’t know her though. She’s a year older.

Me: Wait…

The woman was sitting two seats to my left. She came to the workshop with a friend. In front of her, a box of tissues had been emptied out. None of us spoke. We sat listening. The volume of the room was dialled down to the sound of sniffing.

She: I had agreed to let my daughter go to the summer program, but I’m so conflicted inside. It’s a month long and all the way across the country. I don’t know if I should tell the counsellor to keep an eye on her. She’s in high school and that kind of attention might… might make her feel uncomfortable. I really… I really don’t… know… what to do. *managed to squeeze the last few words out through sobs*

Her: Thank you for sharing. That must have been a difficult decision as a mother.

She: Yes. She has had suicidal tendency for two years. I feel so helpless. *looked up red eyes*

The friend put both arms around her shoulders.

Her: I think there are a few strategies that could lessen your worries while your daughter is away. How about we look those after the workshop?