When You Won the Fight But Lost the Relationship

Listen. Listen to what he or she is not saying.

It wasn’t my first time hearing the story. Though, I did not connect the dots the previous times. I didn’t understand why this particular conversation hit him so hard.

Lying on my bed, I watched his face on the lit screen recounting the memory…

He: Yeah, she was more sensitive than I was. I think I may have neglected her needs like you said. But I still don’t know, and I’m curious. *frowned slightly*

Me: It must have been a shock to you hearing that she wanted to break up. You probably didn’t know she was so unhappy.

He: No, I didn’t know. I thought things were going well. And I did ask her. I asked her to tell me her honest opinion, but she refused. All I had was the silence. *still frowning*

Photo by Alexander Krivitskiy on Unsplash


Here is my theory.

A relationship is a constant tug-of-war, you each fight for the needs to control.

In many cases, one person outweighs the other most of the time. Gradually, the oppressed partner caves and withdraws emotionally. He or she stops fighting for control; instead, accumulates resentment.

All the while, the victorious partner is oblivious of the disconnect, and when the oppressed partner finally decides to break free, the victor is in shock.


Sobbing on the couch, I curled myself into a ball while I spoke on the phone. It was all too much, and I couldn’t bear the conflicting thoughts any longer.

He: So nothing happened? You two just texted back and forth? *furious and disappointed*

Me: Yes, he lives in a different city so we only met that very first time. He was a mutual friend. *timid*

He: I don’t understand. How could you be attracted to some guy simply through texting?

Me: I don’t know either… I’m so sorry… *tears choking my voice*

He: God would want me to forgive you, because he’d forgive me for all sins I commit. You are forgiven.

Me: That is very kind… again I’m so sorry and thank you… *broke into an appreciative smile*

Photo by Luis Galvez on Unsplash


Actually, I had mentioned how I would like to deepen our conversations despite the long-distance situation.

But in the midst of guilt and chaos, I had forgotten.

Was it my needs?

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