And why we can, once we become aware.
Video call has always made me cringe. It has less to do with seeing my own face but more about not wanting my parents to know that I’m on the phone. But with a long-distance relationship, this has turned into a norm…
Me: It’s amazing to me how you rarely judge! Actually, I don’t think I’ve heard you judge anyone but yourself.
He: I think everyone judges. They just don’t tell you. *eyebrow furrowed*
Me: Really? How have you judged others then? *stunned at his frankness*
He: It may sound weird but I judge people by how well they speak English. *embarrassed*
Me: *Laughed* but that’s also how you judge yourself!
Using the same set of standards, we judge ourselves and those we come across.
So, in all honesty, our judgements say more about us than them.
Lunch at work could go both ways, small talks that everyone can chip in their two cents or the subject-focused discussion that bore the disinterested. Somehow, we had the perfect balance on this day…
She: I wouldn’t date anyone who’s still living with their parents just cuz’ how long I’ve been on my own. I guess.
He: Well, I still live with my parents to save money. It’s not like the old days. Both renting and buying are expensive. *slightly defensive*
I nodded in understanding.
Him: But wouldn’t you lack some elements of independence? Our time was hard too. But at your age, I’ve already bought, renovated and flipped a house.
He: Hey, just because I don’t toss out money to rent my own space doesn’t make me any less independent! I do my own cooking, laundry and cleaning. *jokingly stamped his fist on the table*
Most times, judgements are implied.
We say we don’t judge, but our seemingly objective opinions could trigger despite our best intentions.
Or perhaps, the motive is to remind ourselves to stay in line. The line we drew with the help of society.
The harsher we are with ourselves, the easier and faster we form opinions about the others.
The same standard applies.