For years, they say nothing about the relationship. Out of nowhere, they asked, “so when are you getting married?”
Growing up in an Asian household, the attitude towards relationships have always been hush-hush. They don’t ask; I don’t tell. If necessary, they refer to him as a friend.
Perhaps it was the realization that their daughter is soon turning 30, the questions came like flood waves…
He: So when does he finish his training? When is he making his proposal? When are we talking about marriage?
Me: Err… I’m not sure. He needs time. We haven’t talked about it. *awkward*
He: Hmm… *seemingly resigned*
Perhaps their parents also did not talk about it.
Marriage is a significant part of life while relationships should be taken lightly.
The mothers think their sons should date around; the fathers think their daughters can do better.
They tell you to focus on yourself and don’t invest too much to avoid getting hurt.
Standing at the edge of the kitchen island, I held my stripped mug with half-filled water…
She: It seems like your life has revolved around him for the past few months.
Me: Knowing that we would be in a long-distance relationship soon, I do want to spend as much time as possible with him.
She: I don’t think you should put so much effort into this. You don’t know the future. Focus on self-development.
Me: But relationship takes building! We can’t build a solid foundation if we don’t spend time together to communicate and solve conflicts. I believe my relationship is just as important as other parts of my life including career. It’s also part of my self-development because all experience in life counts. *defensively*
When parents talk like they know better, I feel small.
How do we talk about relationships without embarrassment? How can we interpret your love and support as they are without feeling pressured? How can we admit to one another how little we actually know?
Break the cycle.
Let’s talk about the uncertainty, the pain and the insecurity that comes with all relationships, marital or otherwise.